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Showing posts with label Little Johnny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Little Johnny. Show all posts

He made huge

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!"

Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

Mind your damn business!

One fine afternoon a gentleman was walking down the street; and as he came around the corner he spotted a young boy sitting in front of the local candy shop. As he approached, he realized it was his neighbor's kid - Little Johnny.

The boy was shoving sweet tarts and chocolate bars down his throat as fast as possible, so much that it prompted the man to offer some advice: "You know, Johnny, it's not healthy to eat all that candy."

Little Johnny looks up at him and quickly retorts "You know, my grampa lived to be 96 years old."

"Oh," the man replied, "did he eat lots of candy?"

"Nope," retorted Little Johnny, "he minded his own damn business!"

Old enough to understand

Little Johnny went to his dad, who was working in the yard. He asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that he would ask such a question, but decides that if he is old enough to ask the question, then he is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell him all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the Little Johnny was looking at him with his mouth hanging open. The father asked him, "Why did you ask this question?" Little Johnny replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

Little Johnny and his presumption

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression "I presume".
One little girl held up her hand and said, "Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken."
"Very good" said the teacher.
Another one said, "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that the BMW wouldn't start."
"That's excellent," says the teacher.
Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says, "Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that......."
The teacher interrupted him and said, "I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything."
Johnny says, "Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence."
The teacher says, "Very well. Continue."
"As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a crap because he can't read."

Punishment for Johnny

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.
His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says,
"No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.
"That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.
She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

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