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Showing posts with label Santa Banta Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Santa Banta Jokes. Show all posts

When Shit Hit The Fan

Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up. When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
"What happened!?!" says Banta.
The bartender responds, "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?!"

Sardar Jokes Grand Collection: Part 5

Santa says: Duniya ka har ek insan apne paav bhigoye bina shayad samundar paar kar sakta ha, lekin ankhe bhigoe bina "pyar" nahi kar skta...
aaj Santa serious ha. Plz..!

Santa to Banta:
Santa- Maine pichle 20 saalo me 1 baat note ki hai !!
Banta: Wo kya?
Santa: Saala jab bhi faatak band hote hai tab train jaroor aati hai.

Santa- Tumne itne chhote-chhote baal Q katwaye?
Banta- naai ke paas 3 rupye khulle nahin the, to main bola 3 rupay ke aur kaat de.....

Bhikari: kuch khane ko dedo.
Santa - tamatar khao
Bikari - roti dedo
Santa - tamatar khao
Bikari - lao tamatar hi do
Santa ki Mummy - ye totla hai,keh rha hai, kamakar khao.
45 saal ka Santa ladki dekhne gya, Ladki ki Maa behosh ho gyi, hosh aya to pucha kya hua.?
boli-18saal pehle ye muje b dekhne aya tha.

Santa- Aaj kal zyada bachche judwa kyo paida hote hai?
Banta-Desh me itna aatankwaad badh gaya hai ke bachche akele aane se darte hai.

Santa qabristan me charas pi raha tha
Police: kya kar rahe ho ?
Santa: abbu k liye dua,
Police: ye to bachche ki qabr hai
Santa: abbu bachpan me hi mar gaye the

3 sardar picnic par gae wahan ja kar yad aya k pepsi to ghar bhol gaye
Decide kia ki sab se chota sardar ja kar pepsi le aaye
Chota sardar:Main is shart par jata hun k tum mere ane tak samose nahi khao ge
Dono ne kaha thik hai
1 din guzar gaya sardar ni aya
2 din guzar gaye
dono ne socha k ab samose kha lne chahye
Jaise hi samosa uthaya chota sardar ped k peche se nikal k bola....
Aisa karo ge to main nahi jauga.

Santa ne car se char logo ko daba diya
Judge: tumne sarab v nai pi thi fir vi ye q kiya?
Santa: Sir IDEA walo ne kha tha ki is gaane k liye 4 dabaye

Teacher: What is the difference between pyar & shaadi?
Santa: Very simple sir, pyar insaan ko andha bana deta hai aur shaadi insaan ki ankhen khol deti hai..!

Santa: Yaar sooraj raat ko kyu nahi nikalta?
Banta: Kya pata nikalta bhi ho andhera itna hota hai ki dikhai kuch nahi deta.

Santa student: Miss, kya aap mujhe raat ko call kar rahi thi??
Teacher: Nahi toh...
Santa: Kamaal hai, subah mere mobile pe likha tha "Miss Call".

Sardar Jokes Grand Collection: Part 4

Santa raat ko cycle le ke qabristan main ghus gaya.
Phir dusri side se bahar nikla
Aur paseena ponchhty hue bola:????
Yaar, ye konsa road tha????????
Itne sare speed breaker

Sardar: meri bevi itna mazak karti hay ki kya bataon
Dost: kya mazak karti ha?
Sardar: kal mai ghar gaya uski ankhon par hath rakha or wo mazak ma boli dudhwala.

Sardar GUN ly kr Darwaazay pr Kharaa huaa thaa
Wife: y r u standing here?
Sardar: Sher kaa Shikaar karnay jaa Rahaa hun
Wife: Tou Jao
Sardar: Kaise Jaon bahar KUTTA Kharaa hei

Sardar: Aj BV ne bohat mara
Major Rohail: Kyun?
Sardar: I was kissing Katrena
Major Rohail: Wao Katrena Kaif
Sardar: Nhi yar meri nokrani Katrena.
Santa 2 Banta:Yeh doctor log operation karne se pehle Patient ko behosh kyun karte hen?
Banta: Kahen patient khud operation karna seekh na le is liye……

Santa: jab main mar jaon to samne wali family ko zaroor bulana.
Banta: kyun?
Santa: yaar unke ghar ki ladies murde se lipat lipat kar roti hain.

Santa daru pee k tala kholne laga, hath kapne ki vajah se tala nhi khula,
Banta- mai khol du,
Santa- mai khol lunga, tu ghar ko pakad, sala bahut hil raha hai.

Santa:Meri billi mar gai
Banta:kese mari
Santa :Maine use nahala diya tha

Banta- nahalne se b kahi billi marti h
Banta-Maine nahalane k bad use nichod b tha

Santa:kya tum pass ho Gaye
Banta:Ha,hamari puri class pass ho Gyi But hmari madam fail ho gayi
Santa:kese
Banta: wo abhi B usi class me pdha rahi he

Examiner Santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho?
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye

Santa: Banta, don’t put mobile charging while sleeping at night?
Banta: y?
Santa: sometimes, battery may blast.
Banta: Yah. I know. That’s y I am removing battery from mobile while charging…

Aik fauji afsar sardar recruit sey,
”agar maidan mein tumharey pass gholiyan khatam ho jayein to tum kya karo ghey?”
“Janab mein awazein nikaloon gha Dhishkoon,DishkooN”

Sardar : Yaar Achha Hua
Me India Me Paida Hua
America Me Nahi
Dost : Q America Me
Hota To Kya Hota ?
Sardar : Tu B Na
Muje English Kaha Aati Hai

Santa Was Kissing A Blank Paper.
Banta: Ye Kya Hai?
Santa: Meri Girlfriend Ka Love Letter Hai.
Banta: Magar Ye Toh Khali Hai yar,
Santa: Aaj-kal Hum baat nahin karte.

Santa ki 1 tang ki haddi toot gayi
Hospital gaya to waha 1 admi ki dono tange tooti dekhkar bola "Kya aapki 2 biwiyan he"

Sardar Jokes Grand Collection: Part 3

Ek Cute ladki ne Pappu ko aawaaz lagai.
O bhai jaan, kirpaya sunie to zara.
Pappu bola: oye! phale phaisala kar "Bhai" ya "Jaan", Confuse kyon kar rahi hai.

Santa: Apka kutta to sher jaisa dikhta hai kya khilate ho ise,..?
Banta: abe wo sher hi hai saala PYAAR-WYAAR k chakkar me kutte jaisa dikhne laga hai.

Teachar: batao pradhanmantri aavaas kahaan hai?
Santa: havai jahaaj mein?

Santa:maine apni beti ka shaadi sirf 1500rs mein kiya.
Banta:woh kaise?
Santa:maine use 1500 ka ek mobile dilaaya. usne love marriage karliy

Pappu: Teacher main naamumakin ko mumakin bana sakata hoon.
Teacher: Wo kaise?
Pappu: naamumakin se "na" mita kar!

Santa- muje zehar dena
Chemist- pehle Dr. Se lekhwa k lao.
Santa-apni shaadi ka card dikhata h.
Chemist- bus kar bhai rulayega kya,badi bottle du ya
chhoti.

Master- 2 me se 2 gye to kitne rhe?
Sardar-samjh me nhi aya masterji.
Mster-Beta tumare pas 2 Roti h,tumne 2 roti khali,tumare pas kya bacha?
Sardar-sabji..!

2 Sardar train k piche bhaag rahe the..
Ek chadh gaya, to train me logo ne kaha"WELL DONE"
Sardar-khak wel done,Jana to use tha,
Mai to chhodne aya tha!!
Santa-What's D Difference Between Mother's & GF's Tears?
Classic Answer By Banta-
Mother's Tears Effect Our HEART & GF's Tears Effect Our POCKET...

Train me Warning likhi thi...
Bina Ticket safar krne wale Yaatri Hoshiyaar...
Santa- Waah, toh jisne ticket li woh Chutiye ???

Santa pe bijli ki taar gir gayi:
Santa tadap tadap ke marne hi wala tha ki use yaad aya,
Bijli to 2 din se band ha.
Wapas uth gaya or bola, 'Sala! dara diya'.

Pappu ne homework pura nahi kiya
Teacher (Pappu se): tum jaanawar ho jaanawar.
Pappu: maaloom hai.
Teacher: wo kaise?
Pappu: papa mujhe ulloo ka pattha, mummy mujhe gadha, daada jee sher ka beta aur dadi bandar kahati hai.

Teacher: beta, bijli kahaan se aati hai?
Pappu: Mama Jee ke yahaan se.
Teacher: Wo kaise?
Pappu: jab bhi bijli jaati hai to papa bolate hain kaat dee saalon ne.

Teacher - un do kings ka naam batao jinhone duniya ke logo ko nayi raah pe chalaya.....
Santa - sir
1.SMO KING
2.DRIN KING.. . .
Phir kaya, techer Santa ko de chhadi...

Santa ws painting his home suddenly
he got an idea 2 save money
he painted d upper part of d wall n wrote below..!
Same as above

Santa ne apne 6 month k baby ki birthday party rakhi,
Kisine pucha: 6month k baby ka b'day kaise?
Santa: hum semester system ko follow karte hai.

Santa : Oye Tu Ladki Dekh Aaya? Kaisi Hai?
Banta : Rang Se Kali Hai or Kaan Se Kam Sunti Hai.. . .
Santa : Zara English Me Bta . . .
Banta : 'BLACK-BERRY' Hai...

Santa Roz Subha 60 ladkiya mera intezar karti hain
Banta- are wah Vo kaise?
Santa- main girls collage ka bus driver hu na.

Santa:- yaar tujhe bus me thapad kyo pada?
Banta:- pata ni yaar,meri photo niche gir gayi thi maine kaha bahenji jara sari uppar karna photo leni hai.

Santa: jab me chota tha to ek baar kutub minaar se gir gaya tha.
Banta: Acha!!to mar gya ya bach gya.
Santa: Saale.! mujhe kya pata, me to chota tha.

Bunty: Yaar kya koi Report card dekhkar bhi bhavishyavaani
kar sakata hai?
Pappu: haan, bilkul kar sakata hai.
Bunty: kaun?
Pappu: meri Maa, wo mera Report card dekhate hi bata deti hain ki papa ke aate
hee meri kya haalat hone wali hai.

Santa: beta college mein toone kaun-kaun se do mushkil kaam seekhe hain?
Pappu: ek to daanton se beer ki bottle kholna aur doosri fast bike mein 1 tilee
se sigaret jalana.

Sardar Jokes Grand Collection: Part 2

Santa- kaal mujhe pata laga ki mere sharir mai bilkul bhi iron nhi hai.
Banta-apko kaise pata chala? Santa- maine mangnet laga k dekha tha chipka hi nhi.

Banta(bhagta hua aata hai)- jaldi jao,apk ghar mai talab ka pani ghus aya hai..
Santa- jhuth kyu bol rahe ho ghar ki chabhi to mere pass hai..

Banta- govt hospital k doctor aur marij mai kya fark hai?
Santa- doctor nurse pr aur marij farsh pr marta hai...

Santa- mai nalayak ko bhi layak bana sakta hu..
Banta- wo kaise?
Santa- nalayak se na hata k...

Banta- week mai ek baar meri patni se mera jhagda jarur hota hai. aur apka?
Santa- mera mahine baad hota hai, kyuki mujhe salary mahine baad milti hai..

Banta- ladkiya shrab se itna nafrat kyu krti hai?
Santa-kyuki shrab pine k baad unk chuhe jaise
pati shero jaisa bartao krne lagte hai...

Santa Banta tang sidhiyo mai ek dusare k samne aad gaye..
Banta- mai murkh k liye rasta nhi chodta.
Santa- (piche hokr)lakin mai chod deta hu...

Banta- tm agle birth mai kya banana chahte chahte ho?
Santa- cockroach.. Banta- wo kyu? Santa- kyuki meri patni sirf cockroach se darti hai...
Banta- kya apne mera naya natak dekha hai, jo maine jhagdalu pati-patni k bare mai likha hai?
Santa- maine abhi tak natak to nhi dekha pr maine apko aur apki patni ko ushki rehearsal krte dekha hai...

Santa- tmhari apni patni k sath kaise nibh rahi hai? Banta- badi achi nibh rahi hai,
subah jo wo chahti hai wo krti hai, shaam ko jo wo chahti mai krta hu...

Santa-cycle ki break lekar dance kr raha tha. Banta-ap kya kr rahe ho?
Santa- dekh nhi rahe mai break dance kr raha hu....

Banta- suna hai aap apni patni k sath bartan dhote hai?
Santa- to kya hua, woh bhi to mere sath rotiya pakati hai....

Santa-Bhaiya aaj somose acche nahi bane hai
Kal wale acche the
Samosa waala- kaya baat kar rahe ho?
ye smose kal wale to hai bhaiya....

Banta- kya khana khane se pehle aap bhagwan ko yaad krte hai?
Santa- nhi, mujhe aisa krna nhi padeta kyuki meri patni acha khana anti hai...

Banta-tmhari dukan pr mithaeya rakhi hai, tmhara ishko khane ka dil nhi karta?
Santa- krta to bahut hai pr papa marenge ishliye chat kr rakh deta hu...

Banta-bahut si ladkiya itni murkh hoti hai ki unhe shaddi k liye pucho to na kr deti hai.
Santa- apko kaise pata? Banta-mai kaye ladkiyo se puch chuka hu...

Santa- shrab pite pite rone laga..
Banta- kya hua ap ro kyu rahe ho?
Santa- jish ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha hu ushka naam mujhe yaad nhi aa raha..

Banta- pichli diwali ko hmne raat ko lakhsmi k liye darwaje khol kr rakhe the pr chor aa gaya.
Santa- ho sakta hai chor apne ghar k darwaje k sath khidkiya bhi khol kr aya ho ishliye tmhare ghar ki lakhsmi unk yaha chali gayi...

Santa - aaj maine ek jaan bachye... Banta- wo kaise? Santa- maine ek bhikari ko puch 1000 ka note du to kya karoge? ushne kaha khusi se maar jaunga, to maine use note nhi diya aur use bacha liya...

Santa- agr hm apne diet ka khyal rakhe to hm 85yrs tak jinda reh sakte hai. Banta- pr 85yrs tak jinda kaun rehna chahta hai? Santa- jo 84yrs ka ho gaya ho...

Banta- aj meri premika ka janm din hai,use kya gift du? Santa- dekhne mai kaise hai? Banta- mast hai. Santa- to mera number de dena..

Santa- akalmand admi kabhi ye dawa nhi krta ki yahi akhri sach hai, sirf murkh log hi aisa yakin krte hai.. Banta- kya ap ye baat dawa se keh sakte hai? Santa- yakinan(sure)..

Santa- shaddi k baad yuvraj singh thik khelne lagega.. Banta- kyu? Santa- phir wah khelte hue ladkiyo ko nhi ball ko dekha karega na..

Santa- meri factory mai aag lag gayi thi, bima cmpny ne mujhe 20 lkh rs diye.. Banta- mere godam mai baadh aa gayi thi, bima cmpny ne mujhe 50lkh rs diye.. Santa- pr aap apne godam mai baadh lekar kaise aye?

doctor Santa- chalo chalo bed k niche chalo.. marji Banta- doctor sahab ek baat bataeye ki ap bed k niche kyu elaj karte hai? doctor Santa- doctor banane se pehle mai motor mechanic tha...

Banta- barish bahut tej hai, tufan bhi chal raha hai. ap ghar jane ka vichar chod dijiye yahi so jaeye.. Santa- ap kehte ho to mai yahi so jata hu, pr mai ghar se apna nightsuit to le aau..

Banta- shrab k peg ko jo pair se bhi chuta hai wo nark mai jata hai.. Santa- jo itni pavitra chij ko pair se chuega to nark mai hi na jayega...

Banta- mujhe apne beta ka letter samjhne k liye ek dictionary rakhni padti hai. Santa- ap bade khushnasib hai mujhe apne beta ka letter padhte tym sath mai check book rakhni padti hai..

chahe sabke achchhe din aaa jaye, par golgappe aur rikshe wale ke kabhi achchhe din nahi aayenge.
ve ladkiyon ke bhaiya the ,bhaiya hi rahenge.

bechara aadmi:jab sir pe baal na aaye to dawai dhundhta hai,
jab aa jate hai to naai dhundhta hai,
jab safed ho jaate hai to daie dhundhta hai.

Pappu 1 baar wedding party me gaya...
waha usne dbaa dbaa ke 20 butter nan kha liye
thori der ke baad pet me dard huwa...
bhagkar toilet me gya
pet pakadkar kar bola-
bahut dard ho raha hai
Hey bhagwan ya to jaan nikaal de ya naan nikal de...........

Santa moving around in market with parrot on shoulder,
Someone asks: 'Kidhar se liya ye cute parrot..
Paagalkhane se laya hu sale ko..!!
Replies the Parrot..!!

Airtel Girl to Santa-kaya aap ke Mobile 4G hai?
Santa- Mere Mobile me 6G hai
Girl-Impossible!!
Santa- U ka hai hamra mobile me double sim hai aur dono me 3G+3G hai
to ho gaya na madam 6G

Santa ne Dhaba khola. Customer- mere chaay men makkhee doob kar mare pade hai. Santa to kyaa karoon? Main Dhaba chalaoon yaa inhe tairanaa sikhaaoon.

Banta Shaadi men dulhan ko ghoonghat men kyon rakhaa
jataa hai? Pappu taaki kisee ke munh se ye naa nikal jaaye ki... Abe ye to meree wali hai.

Teacher-'saali aadhee gharvaalee' is muhavare kaa arth bataao?
Pappu- vo skeem jo doolhe ko bataai jaati hai lekin dee naheen jaatee.

Teacher- pappu ek kahaani sunaao, Shiksaa ke saath. Pappu maine apni Girlfriend ko phone kiya vo so rahee the fir usane mujhe Phone kiyaa main so rahaa tha. Shiksa jaise karane vaise bharane

Sardar Jokes Grand Collection: Part 1

Masterji: kl school kyu nhi aya.
Santa: Gir gya tha or lg gayi.
Masterji: kaha gire, kaha lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur ANKH lg gyi..

Santa ws getting bitten by mosquitoes d whole night.
He got irritated… Drank poison said, “ab kato salo, sb maroge!”

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran awy
Sardar ran 2 catch d donkey.
He saw a zebra & startd beating it & said
"SALA Tracksuit pahn k dhoka De raha hai".

Patient: Santa, ye phulo ki mala kis k liye?
Santa: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nhi to tmhare liye.
Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they r studying him!

Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black tie only !
At the party, Banta ws vry shocked 2 see othr ppl wearing suits also !!!!!!

Santa nd Banta in a football stadium..
Santa : Paji, ye log ball se kya kr rhe hai?
Banta : goal kr rhe hain!!!
Santa :"lekin paji ball to pehle se gol hai , or kitni gol Krenge?"

Girl:- Jaldi khidki se kudo, papa aa gye hai.
Boy:- Lekin ye 13v mnzil hai,
Girl:- Janu ye shagun - apshagun sochne ka waqt nhi hai jaldi kudo.

Santa-Beta agr tm fail ho jao to mujhe papa mt kehna
(Some days later)
Papa-Bete result ka kya hua?
Santa-Dimag kharab mt kr "MangiLal

Santa: Agr tmhe kuch ho gya to mai Pagal ho jaunga.
Jeto: Dusri shadi to nhi kroge?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kr skta hai..

Santa: "God, if u give me 100 rs, I will donate 50 rs in tmpl".
(After waliking sm distance, he finds a 50 rs note)
Santa: "Shame on u God, u don't even trust me a little? u hv already takn ur share!"

Master: Mai tenu kutte pe essay likhne ho
keha tha, Likh k kyu nhi liya ?
Santa: Ki krda master g,
kahi bhi mai kutte pe Pen rkha wo bhagya!!!

Santa ( to his son ) : Itne km marks? do thappad marne chayiye.......!
Santa's son : Haan papa.. chalo...mene us master ka ghr dekha hai.....!

Banta: Truck dekhkr tm kapte kyu ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekr bhag gya tha, hr bar lgta hai jaise usko vaps krne aya hai.

Pappu fail ho gaya!

Bahut Jyada Shaitaniyo Aur Faltu Ki Bakwas Karne Ki Vajah Se Pappu Ek Bar Fail Ho Gaya.

Teacher Ne Santa Ko Class Mein Bulaya Aur Boli.

Teacher: Tumhara Ladka Bada Hi Nalayak Ho Gaya, Jitna Faltu Ki Baton Mein Dimaag Lagata Hai Utna Study Pe Lagana Chahiye.

Santa: Madam Ji, Kya Ho Gaya Kyu Itna Gussa Kar Rahe Ho?

Teacher: Ye Dekho Vo Fail Hai. English Mein 14, Math Mein 17, Science Mein 18, SST Mein 11, Total 60.

Santa Ne Ye Suna Aur Kuch Pal Sochne Ke Bad Bola.

Santa: Wah Madam, Total Mein Toh Chha Gaya Apna Puttar..., Aur Kamaal Ki Baat Yeh Hai Ki Is Subject Ki Toh Tution Bhi Nahi Rakhi Thi.

Miscalculated

Banta: Doctor Saab... Pait Mein Bahut Dard Ho Raha Hai.... Aahhh...

Doctor: Achcha Ye Batao Ki Akhri Baar Khaana Kab Khaya Tha?

Banta: Khana Toh Roz Hi...

Doctor: Achcha Achcha, (2 Ungli Uthathe Hue) Akhri Baar Kab Gaye The?

Banta: Ji, Jaata Toh Roz Hun Lekin Kuch Hota Nahin Hai...

Doctor: Theek Hai, Samajh Gaya.

Doctor Andar Se Ek Dawai Ki Bottle Aur Ek Calculator Leke Aaya Aur Banta Se Pucha: Ghar Kitni Dur Hai Tumhaara?

Banta: Ji Yahan Se 1 Km.

Doctor Ne Calculator Pe Kuch Hisaab Kiya Phir Bottle Se Chaar Spoon Dawai Nikal Kar Ek Katori Mein Daal Di.

Doctor: Paidal Aaye Ho Ya Kisi Vehicle Se?

Banta: Paidal.

Doctor: Jaate Waqt Bhaag Ke Jaana.

Doctor Ne Phir Kuch Calculate Kiya Aur Thodi Si Dawai Katori Se Nikaal Li.

Doctor: Aap Ka Ghar Kaun Se Floor Pe Hai?

Banta: 3Rd Floor Pe

Doctor Ne Phir Calculator Pe Kuch Hisaab Kiya Aur Phir Thodi Si Dawai Katori Se Nikaal Li.

Doctor: Lift Hai Ya Seedyion Se Jaoge?

Banta: Ji Seediyon Se Jaunga.

Doctor Ne Is Baar Bhi Kuch Calculations Karne K Baad Katori Se Thodi Si Dawai Bahar Nikaal Li.

Doctor: Ghar Ke Main Darwaaje Se Toilet Kitni Dur Hai?

Banta: Kareeb 25 Feet.

Doctor Ne Phir Se Kuch Hisaab Karne Ke Baad Thodi Si Dawai Katori Se Bahar Nikaal Li.

Doctor: Ab Pehle Meri Fees De Do Aur Phir Yeh Dawai Peekar Phataphat Ghar Chale Jao, Kahin Rukna Mat Aur Phir Mujhe Phone Kar Ke Batana.

Banta Ne Vaisa Hi Kiya.

Takreeban Aadhe Ghante Ke Baad Bana Ka Phone Aaya.

Doctor: Haan Banta Ji, Ho Gaya Clear Sab... Ab Dard Kaisa Hai... ?

Banta, Ek Dum Dheeli Awaaz Mein: Doctor Ji, Sab Saaf Bhi Ho Gaya Aur Ab Bilkul Bhi Dard Nahin Hai Lekin......

Doctor: Lekin!?!... Lekin Kya???

Banta: Ji Aap Ki Dawai Toh Bahut Hi Achchi Thi Lekin Calculator Theek Karwa Lena Apna... Hum Takreeban 50 Metre Se Haar Gaye...

I don't understand women

I was going for a drink after work with some of my workmates. I telephoned the Missus and told her that I was working late.
I got home at 1AM stumbling all over the place and fell into bed fully clothed.
In the morning I was getting the cold shoulder from the Missus.
She said to me, "I don't mind that you go out for a few drinks with your mates, what I DO mind is that you lied to me!!! We have to be honest in our relationship, no more lies, honesty is more important than anything else."
That evening, we were going out for a meal with some friends and she was trying on various outfits.
She asked me, "Does my bum look fat in this?"
I'll never understand women!

Banta's First Date

Jab Banta College Mein Tha, Toh Uske Bholepan Ki Wajah Se Ek Ladki Se Uski Dosti Ho Gayi.
Ek Din Dono Ka Program Bana Ki Aaj Date Pe Chalte Hai Aur Kahi Dinner Karte Hai.
Toh Dono Ja Pahunch Jaate Hain Ek Badiya Se Hotel Mein.
Dono Mein Baaton Ka Daur Chalta Raha, Saath Saath Main Kuch Mocktails.... Snacks... Soup... Bhi Chalte Rahe... Aur Phir Last Mein Dono Dinner Karna Shuru Kiya.
Dinner Karte Karte Achanak Banta Badi Masoomiyat Se Ladki Ki Taraf Dekhne Lagta Hai.
Ladki Puchti Hai: Kya Hua? Aise Kyun Dekh Rahe Ho?
Banta, Dheere Se: Maine Aapko Kuch Kehna Hai, Aap Naraz To Nahi Ho Jaoge Na?
Ladki, Sharma Ke: Nahi Ji, Bilkul Nahin. Aap Boliye.
Banta: Bill Adha Adha Kar Lein, Koi Problem Toh Nahi Aapko???

Sardar Jokes : Funny Jokes Collection

Yamraj asks 3 ladies -
Kabhi kiss kiya?
1st lady : Shadi se pehle.
Yamraj : Chal Nark me.
2nd Lady : Shaadi ke baad.
Yamraj : Chal Swarg me.
3rd Lady : Na pehle na baad me.
Yamraj : Chal kamre me!!!
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Doctor : Aab tabiyat kaisi hai?
Santa : Pehle se jyada kharab hai.
Doctor : Dawai khali thi?
Santa : Nahi dawai ki sishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : I mean dawai le li thi?
Santa : Ji aapne di to meine le li thi.
Doctor : Bewkoof dawai pee li thi?
Santa : Nahi dawai to laal thi.
Doctor : Abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha?
Santa : Nahi sir peelia to mujhe tha!!!
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Sardar’s Son – Papa jaldi-2 mera viya kra deo nahi ta main DAADI nal viya kra lavanga.
Sardar:oye tu meri MAA nal viya krayenga.!
Son:-kyo tusi meri MAA nal ni krayea..
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Santa : Meri biwi mujhe chorr ke chali gayi.
Banta : Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Santa : Arre yaar…Sagi behen ki tarah rakhta tha usko!
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Santa : Preeto chal honeymoon te chaliye.
Preeto : Mein velli nahi, main halle kapde v dhone e, te pande vi manjne e, tusi beeji nu le jao.
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English Teacher: “One cute and young girl is walking on the road.” Change this into an punjabi exclamatory sentence.
Sardar student:- “Oye,pataka !”
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SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!
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Santa : Yaar aaj mein bus ke peeche peecha daudkar three rupees bacha liye.
Banta : Kya yaar, tum to bahut murkh ho, agar taxi ke peeche bhagte to 100 rupees bachta!
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Air hostess: Aap 1 hours me 4 baar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai?
Santa: ‘Chain’ hai par khulti nahi hai!!!
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Wife: Please bike itni taze na chalao mujhey bahut dar lag raha hai.
Sardar: Agar tumhe bhi daar lag raha hai to meri tarah ankhein band karlo!!!
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Sardar to doctor: Jab mein sota hu to mere sapne me monkeys football khelte hai.
Dr: Koi baat nahi ye medicine sone se pehle kha lena.
Sardar: Kal se khaonga, aaj to final hai!!!
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A sardar had a baby after 3 months of marriage. He suspected
and asked to his wife, “Ye 3 month me hi baccha kaise hua?”

Wife Replied : Tumhari shaadi ko kitne din hue?
Sardar : Three months

Wife : Aur meri shaadi ko?
Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Aur bacha kitne month ke baad?
Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Total kitne months hue?
Sardar : Oye 9 months & start dancing Balle Balle!!!!
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Ek sarder ne air-hostess se kaha, “Aapki shakal meri biwi
se bahut milti hai”.
Air-hostess ne ye sunte hi zordaar thappad uske muh pe mara…
Sardar foran bola : “Aadat bhi bahut milti hai”
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Ek din Santa jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!
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Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhag raha tha.
Sardar hasne laga
Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.

Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!
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Sardar ke radio me kuch problem ho gayi to aur kharab ho gaya
Usne radio khol kar dekha to ek mara hua chuha mila
Ye dekh kar sardar gussa ho gaya aur bola : Ye chalega kaise?
Sala singer hi mara pada hai
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what is the extreme limit of stupidity? Two Sardars sitting on a Rikshaw….,
and….,
fighting for a corner seat.
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A Sardar looking at sky asks another Sardar :Is that a sun or moon? Other Sardar replies :Oye ! No idea…Im new to this city..

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Ladkiyon ke college me strike thi,
Ladke bhi unke saath the
Ladkiyon ne naara lagaya:
“HUMARI MAANGE”
Pichhe se awaaz aayi:
“SINDUR SE BHARO”
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Teacher : Santa and Banta!why you reached school late today?
Santa : Madam, I lost a one rupee coin and I was searching for it.
Teacher : Banta, what about you?
Banta : Madam. .., I was not able to move ….because I was hiding that coin under my feet.

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Teacher : Santa! Make a sentence using “Neither-Nor”.
Santa : When girls wear tight fitting dresses, “NEiTHER” are they
comfortable, “NOR” are we!
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Teacher : Santa ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa : Teen maidam.
Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.
Santa : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hu aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.
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Santa ek black aur ek white shocks pehenkar school aata hai.
Madam : Ghar jao aur moje badalkar aao.
Santa : Koi fayda nahi, waha bhi ek black aur ek white moja hi rakha hai.

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Ek baar Santa ka Gadha lapata ho jata hai
Wo mandir me jakar bhagwan ki murti k samne der tak prarthana karta hai.
Yeh dekhkar Banta ussey puchta hai, “Santa kya tum bhagwan se ye prarthana kar rahe ho
ki tu—————————

mhara gadha tumhe mil jaye?.”
Santa : nahi yaar, mein to bhagwan ka sukriya ada kar raha tha ki unke
kripa se mein gadhe par sawar nahi tha, nahi to mein bhi lapata ho jata!
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what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR
wandaring how?
thats bcoz….
TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
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who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
……….sita with ravan
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wht did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
Ans: Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya
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wht do u call a really colourful tamilian???
Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan
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An elephant falls in luv wid n ent.but Ant’s parents r against their marrige…guess y??
they gave a solid reason…**Ladke k dat bahar hai**
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ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..
Ans : kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..
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Full form of MATHS????
Ans : Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students…

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